1. (New!)  My 3 year old son is very "in your face". He has a baby brother who is just about 1 and my poor 1 year old is afraid of him. That is probably because he tackles him and lays on him and body slams him down. I don't know why he does this. It seems to be the way he plays. He said the other day that he wanted to tackle his friend (which I was happy he said it before he did it). I have tried and tried to tell him that we ONLY tackle Daddies. He is also constantly in other kids faces (not in a mean way...just a pestering sort of way) talking to them or repeating something until they respond. I am very exhausted because I feel like I can't set my 1 year old down and walk away (which I feel like I should be able to do with a 1 and 3 year old). I have been trying to be VERY positive with him and he responds REALLY well to positive discipline...but the tackling is something I just cannot get through to him :( Any ideas? Thank you!!!
   

2. Hi! So it definitely seems like you have a very physical child that is still developing impulse control on your hands! He needs an outlet, does he do "big body" type play often? Outside or in? Maybe he needs an area where he can climb, and jump, and be "crazy" when dad's not home, that’s all his own to get it out of his system....maybe an indoor climber? or pillow pit? or old mattress? Also, I think there should be a zero tolerance policy when it comes to physically tackling his brother. He is too little. If you use Time Out, I think you need to start putting him there immediately (well right after he sees you comforting his brother). Make sure his actions are noted as not ok (but don’t flip out) - give most of your attention to the "victim". The when your oldest is finished “calming down” in TO ask him what he can do to make his brother feel better: a hug? an ice pack? Let him come up with the idea on his own and then help him to follow through - this is how he will gain some impulse control - through empathy. He may also benefit from some sort of tumbling class once a week. It's hard for children to separate what is ok for Daddy, and not ok for their friends. He thinks it’s fun and exciting, so why wouldn’t everyone else? I wouldn't discourage the tackling/wrestling if your husband enjoys this time with him, but I would make sure that he has other ways and means of doing this type of big physical play when he’s not around. Also no matter what he needs to be taught to ask before tackling/wrestling EVEN with Dad!
   

3. (New!) I have been taking my son (who is now 14mo) to different play date/activities 3-4 times a week to “socialize” him. The problem is...he will not sit still. EVERY other kid/baby sits on moms lap and participates in the sing alongs/storytelling. Not mine...he only wants to be outside or trying to peel a sticker off the floor or inside playing with the covered electrical socket. Then I take him to the park and he does not want to play on the jungle gym or in the sand with kids. He wants to go the opposite direction of me. Is this normal??? He's been walking for 4mo now so he can't still be THAT excited to walk, right? and while were on the topic of walking, when does the zombie (arms out to balance) walk go away?
   

4. Ok, so this is an excellent question, and it all comes down to balance! There are a few things that are producing a domino effect in his behavior. I strongly suggest toning down his structured activities; in fact, I would say one per week is enough. At 14 months the amount of socialization he actually gleans from a play date or “class” is minimal (in fact, he’s only just discovering he is not actually physically attached to you, let alone there are other children he can play with). Young toddlers will not sit still, as it’s against their very nature. Even toddlers that are 2 years old won’t sit still, and 3 year olds hardly sit still – it’s a process! So the domino effect that 3 - 4 structured activities are producing is this: when he finally finds himself in an unstructured environment, like the park, he wants the extreme opposite of the close contact required of him during the activities. He wants to run and be free from, I hate to say it, but, you; it’s not the excitement of walking, but the thrill of independence! He craves independence at this age. The Solution: the more free time you provide throughout the week, the more likely he will sit on your lap and enjoy singing and listening to stories once a week. The socialization opportunities and structured activities have to be special, and once his gas tank for independence is filled, he will be more willing to be still for select periods of time (like 20 mins!!). As to the other children in these situations, they either have different temperaments than your son, or it’s their only class of the week! Ahh, and the “zombie arms” – yes, this is normal, and until he is running and completely secure in his balance he will use his arms to balance himself. Give it another 4-6 months and they may come down!
   

5. (New!) I am a new, single mom to a 11 week old son.  I have to drive 6 hours on Friday to see my Mom and will be taking my baby.  It will be our first road trip together.  I feel bad because he will be in a car seat all day.  Any ideas to keep my baby comfortable and bypass having to stop every time he cries?  I will stop more often than I usually do (every 1.5 hours). I would prefer to leave in the morning before 10am if I could. Please let me know what you suggest.
   

6. So traveling with a young baby can seem a bit overwhelming at first, but once you have road tripped with a 15 month old it will seem like a dream, trust me! Yes, stop every 1.5 hours (unless he's sleeping!), just don't expect your trip to take 6 hours though – m aybe 8. I would also expect the stopping to be more erratic: 2 hours of driving, stop to change, 30 minutes driving, stop to feed, etc., etc.  To get ready for the trip I would definitely buy a backseat mirror if you don't have one already and sun shades for every window in the rear of the car. The morning you need to leave I would get him up at normal time, and if he needs to nap before you leave, fine, but cut it short. Dress him simply, not in many many layers, and make sure they are cotton for breathability. You can always turn the heat on if it gets too cold, and the car seat is going to trap a lot of heat against his body. Here's some good news: most young babies will sleep more in the car because of the white noise and motion. Try to maintain as calm of an atmosphere as possible, i.e. Enya and classical music, and not Raffi and loud singing. This calm atmosphere also pertains to toys, so I would keep it simple: one simply colored toy hanging from the car seat canopy, and that's it. You have to be careful of overstimulation at this age, as he may not have the ability to turn away from a stimulant, and this will lead to crying! Save feedings for when you stop so you can burp him properly and he is comfortable. (Change him every time you stop too!) Other than that, don't forget to pack the things you don't use on a daily basis, but won't be able to do without while at your mother's: baby nail clippers, bulb nose aspirator, bottle brush, humidifier, etc., etc. You never know what's going to happen while you're there! Good Luck!
   

7. (New!) My loving, affectionate and usually reserved 19 month old has taken to biting over the past few months.  She doesn’t appear to be teething, and it doesn’t always appear to be in frustration. Sometimes it happens completely unprovoked, most often to the younger babies (9 month olds) at daycare, and occasionally out of frustration with older siblings/cousins.  I have also seen her use biting out of anger or when an older child is getting pushy.  She does have a mesh bag with a handle that we give her to chew on with ice or frozen fruit in it, but it doesn't seem to be her favorite. She is also thumb sucker.  We’ve tried telling her “no bite,” or “teeth are not for biting,” and then putting her in a short (1 min) time out. Unfortunately we are seeing it get worse instead of better. Please help!
   

8. So, yes, some toddlers bite, and some don’t. Whether you end up with a biter, or not, the issues that surround this type of behavior are usually similar to those of hitting, screaming, and tantrums: frustration and emotional immaturity. How we handle young toddler frustration will either keep it around a bit longer, or help them to weather this phase, learning a few lessons along the way. Biting is so primal; seeing your little angel break out the lion teeth is a little much for a lot of parents! So when a child bites, we can sometimes overreact, whereas instead were the child to hit in the same situation, we could calmly and firmly address the behavior. That said, your daughter is going through a “healthy” and age appropriate phase. It will pass. My suggestion would be to stop the Time Outs when the biting actually happens, and focus more on caring for the victim together. She is already full of so many conflicting emotions; the last thing she needs in the regret-filled aftermath is to be isolated and alone. Try labeling the victims feelings if they are too young to talk, or if older, ask them how she can help them feel better and how it made them feel when she bit them. This is how we teach toddlers empathy: modeling and teaching the steps. During this phase I would also stress the importance of shadowing her; this is not an age to enjoy a good mom chat over coffee, unfortunately. Then as soon as you notice her going to bite, be sure to make physical contact with her in some way, by either gently pushing her chin up to close her mouth, or distracting her by picking her up and moving her to a new spot to play. Toddlers at this age respond better to actions than words. A simple “No Bite!” followed by action, and labeling her feelings, “You look upset! Let’s say, That’s Not OK! or I was playing with that!” should be enough. Try to stay away from “Teeth are not for biting”, because in reality they are for biting, and we always want to make sure we mean what we say. Try something like, “Sam is not food, people are not for biting. Food is for biting! Are you hungry, what do you want to eat?” Then redirect or move to the kitchen for a distraction. Then you pretty much have to wait this storm out. She will begin to talk more and learn new words every day, and every day it will become easier for both her and you!
   

9. (New!) We are in the middle of starting to sleep train our 3 month old, and that has been touch and go. Now, our champion sleeper toddler is regressing. We moved him to his big boy bed a few weeks ago, and at first everything was great. He is normally a very heavy sleeper and requires a lot of sleep – can sleep up to 13 hours at night and 3 hours during the day (and will go longer if we don't wake him up). Now that he's in his bed, he is waking up earlier and earlier, and is suddenly a VERY light sleeper. The baby makes a peep and he is awake – this morning at 5:30am!! They are not in the same room, but are across the hall from each other. His naps have also gotten significantly shorter. My husband travels all the time and I need some sleep – between the two of them, I am not getting much. Any advice or words of wisdom for my toddler would be greatly appreciated!
   

10. Congratulations on the new baby! Not to worry about our toddler! This is pretty normal for two reasons: 1) the new baby, and 2) he's 2.5 years old. A new baby can be a lot for any child to process, and I am sure you have had it up to here with people telling you this, but what we sometimes forget is the connection our toddlers have empathetically with the new baby. He is probably worried about the baby and needs to be reassured that everything is ok, that babies wake up at night and cry. Maybe if she wakes from a nap crying during the day you could have him sooth her and show him she is not hurt. Also, a new baby AND a new bed is a big change for a toddler. Just transitioning to a new bed would disrupt his sleep cycles, so he may just need some time to adjust to it all! Try a couple more weeks in the new bed (and another 9 months with his new sibling!). In the meantime I would suggest bringing his nap time down to 1.5 hours and being really really consistent with his bed time. Also, introduce a very rigid evening routine, starting directly after dinnertime. Toddlers this age love routines, and he will be able to settle better at bedtime and sleep deeper because of the predictability of this routine. Also, since he is getting older, the days of him actually needing 16 hours a sleep daily may be fading. But some kids are always big sleepers, so first get him back on track at night by shortening the nap, and then once the night is settled, slowly bring the nap back to 2 or 2.5 hours (maybe not 3) and see what happens. If his night time sleep isn't affected, then, great! If it is, stick to the 1.5 hour nap. Good Luck!
    

             Click here for MANY more!....

        ** If you are looking for your question and you cant find it go back to the top of the page and

           click “The Question of the Week” in red.

Stef will take your detailed question via email. If your question is chosen, you will get a personalized answer via the Question of the week section (in red up there on the left). If you would like a more immediate response you can post your question on our Facebook page or Twitter and a more concise answer will be posted below in the ASAP section!

You ask a question.        Stef will answer it.         It’s that simple!

This site is dedicated to helping parents of infants and toddlers on a “one-on-one” basis!

Just straight-forward answers and advice from an experienced nanny (and mom!).

Contact:     Stef Tousignant     unravelme@askananny.com